Engineering College of Health Sciences.

     If Mohammed Bin Tughlaq was to return from the dead and be made the vice chancellor of AARJEEUHS, he would I’m sure, find its current administration very pleasing…to the point of nostalgia. He would then, I guess, incorporate all the engineering colleges into the university, forcing them to follow its current curriculum. With AARJEEUHS unleashed over those ever-holidaying laymen, this is probably how a typical engineering course would be…      

     

     Every engineering college would be attached to a servicing centre or at least a mechanic shop complex (one with >1000 sheds) for the students to see cases. All the colleges will have to conduct “Continuing Mechanical Education” programs and ‘workshops’ etc. Some of the must-have books for the students would be- Harley Davidsons (since Harrison Ford would be too heavy to carry), Freedom Park Community Mechanics, Fire Fox Basic Wheels and Gears, Reliance Fluid Dynamics, McAfee’s Virology and of course, the Engineering under grad. solved Singi. A student’s basic clinical kit would contain a screw driver, tester, hammer, air pump, a non-functional torch etc.

      

     In first year, we might find students fainting on their first day of Ambassador dissection. As a part of e-learning, they will learn how to download and use e-explorer resuscitation app. During viva, the students will be suggested to quote from Google rather than AskLaila.com. As they enter 2nd year, they would start their postings with the traditional greeting, “Aren’t you all fresh from Mathematics?” The first lesson would be on history taking… “So tell me, what is the importance of the number plate?” and of course the discussion on the topic would go on for an hour. By 3rd year, the students would have mastered the art of history taking. “Presenting Premier, a 50 year old 4 wheeler from Khallaspallya, complaining of leaking from down…” (Patient’s own words remember?) However, the common hurdles remain… “Hello! Dude! This system only understands the T-language! Could you please come and help?” “Sir, the engine was febrile and uncooperative. We couldn’t examine!” “No proper cases man! Only RTAs!”

      

     The students will be trained in mechanethics to boost their engineering morale. “Case scenario: A one year old Android has crashed. Is it ethical to revive it using Symbian?” Modern technology would be well utilised with messages like, “6 month old scooter in the 2 wheeler ward. Short history and examination of the kick start system. Be gentle” being circulated in Whatsapp etc.

     

     And for the crown jewel of the university’s administration…exams! The students will have to answer papers set by Tughlaq himself and in practicals they will have to examine and present the so-called exam cases ranging from a punctured cycle to Namma Metro. After crossing the final hurdle, the ever-exciting internship would await the budding (or should I say copy+paste) engineers. Collecting crash reports, arranging for petrol, mixing cement etc…the routine would continue.

      

     Finally, with a Masters in Tele Communications, super-speciality in SMSing, the balding youth, the future of India, the hope of millions of people, with a dream of millions of dollars would slowly join the queue for a course in MBA!!

          

     All say hail AARJEEUHS!! (Booo!!)

                      -Samrat ’09.